Douglas Adams’ thank-you note in response to receiving a copy of the UCIttHHGttG at his first lecture in Göttingen. Photo © Mathias Maul.

The Ultra-Complete Index to Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

After the sweeping successnerdy self-congratulations and quite a bit of positive feedback from fellow fanatics in response to the Ultra-Complete Index to the Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Jonathan Woithe (then at University of Adalaide) asked me if we could collaborate on an index for the Dirk Gently books. We did, and this was the result. Thanks again, Jon!
This work is licensed under the GFDL, the GNU Free Documentation License.
You can obtain a copy of this license at

Copyright (c) Mathias Maul (mm@redacted) and Jonathan
Woithe (jwoithe@redacted).

Permission is granted to copy, distribute and/or modify this document under
the terms of the GNU Free Documentation License, Version 1.2 or any later
version published by the Free Software Foundation; with Invariant Sections,
no Front-Cover Texts, and no Back-Cover Texts, with the Invariant Sections
being all sections except the actual index entries. --Mathias, Oct 25 2004.
NOTE: Many people asked me whether I 'ripped' this index from electronic
versions of the books. The answer is simple: I did not. Please do not ask
this question again. --Mathias, September 24 2004.
NOTE: Nearly all of my addresses mentioned below have now been invalid for
quite some time. At the moment, the safest way to reach me is by sending
mail to mmaul@redacted. --Mathias, May 20 1999.


    "I'm alone," he said, "utterly alone, lost again. If only I 
    had a way to -" - "Don't Panic," a strangely familiar voice 
    remarked, "you brought It here, didn't you?" - "Well yes, 
    but -" - "Good. Just look it up." - "But this is another 
    story, another universe. This is not the Hitch Hiker's Guide 
    to the Galaxy!" - "Just look it up, go ahead."

    He did. This is what he read:

        Kent, ecclesiastical architecture of       I:14/94.

    He sighed with relief. He had not thought that it could be 
    so simple. "Finally," he thought, "there's an Index to Dirk 
    Gently's Holistic Detective Agency."

        The Ultra-Complete Index to Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
          compiled and copyrighted 1994 by Mathias Maul and Jonathan Woithe
                                     second public release as of 6-sep-1994

     You all knew that it simply had to happen sometime, didn't you? You 
all knew that, exactly at the moment when most people had taken the 
existence of The Ultra-Complete Index to the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the 
Galaxy for granted, another Index would spring up, enlightening your 
otherwise quite dull lives once again, didn't you? You knew all that, 

     Well, I didn't. Some weeks after the publication of The 
Ultra-Complete Index to the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy lots of 
people (well, about half a dozen) asked me to make up an Index of the Dirk 
Gently novels, and I've told most of them that I'm busy with school and 
all and that the Index will surely come but only after finishing some 
other stuff. (Which, by the way, is still in the works. Well, sort of.) 
What I'm trying to say is this: The idea of the Dirk Gently Index 
constantly lurked somewhere in quite obscure and mostly uncharted parts of 
my brain, only waiting to leap back into consciousness when Jonathan 
Woithe, a hoopy frood whom I've been in conversation with for quite a 
while, mailed me a list with just slightly more than four hundred index 
entries for Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency.

     This was the subtle gust of air that got the stone rolling, this was 
what started what precedes and follows this very sentence.

     But, for the sake of brevity, I will not continue to write even more 
of this. I just want to add that the entry format is exactly the same as 
in The Ultra-Complete Index to the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, i.e.

          Frobniz          I:42/21,23. II:17/21;23/69.

means that the word "Frobniz" can be found in volume one (i.e. DGHDA) in 
chapter 42 on pages 21 and 23 and in volume two (i.e. TLDTTOTS) in chapter 
17 on page 21 and chapter 23, page 69. I know that the Dirk Gently novels 
are not related to each other to such an extent as are the Hitch Hiker's 
Guide books, but there are quite a lot of references and there might be 
even more in the book(s) to follow The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul. Ah 
yes, the page numbers given refer to the English Pan Books paperback 
editions of 1988 and 1989, ISBN 0-330-30162-4 and 0-330-30955-2 

     For further enlightenment please consult the Ultra-Complete Index to 
the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy, most probably available at a site 
near you. The current release of both the Index to the Guide and this 
document can be obtained via anonymous ftp at 
(, via FTS-FRequest at 2:2461/161 or via Mail. Feel free to 
ask me for details.


     This document is, strictly speaking, a co-effort of Jonathan Woithe 
(jwoithe@redacted) and myself. He not only started the 
whole thing off but also kept it rolling. The introduction is my work, as 
is about half of the entries.

     Furthermore, I'd like to thank Klaus "Fozzy" Nitsche (who still is a 
sysop) for his efforts to exterminate even the tiniest mistakes and typos,

     Thomas Schaefer (ts@redacted) for acting as human gateway 
between me and the UseNet newsgroup,

     Siegfried Lenz (SLENZ@redacted), who (up to now) was the 
only person to do what I asked the readers of the Index to the Guide, he 
sent me a copy of Plundered Hearts, one of the not-so-classic but 
nevertheless quite-hard-to-find Infocom games and made me very, very happy 

     all the people who distributed the UCIttHHGttG to the remotest parts 
of our planet, especially Nathan Hughes (nhughes@redacted), 
who weaved the Index into the World Wide Web (check out his homepage at and Steve Baker 
(swbaker@redacted), who maintains the PGG archives at,

     and of course Douglas Adams for writing some of the best books I've 
ever read.

Again, if you feel like mailing me anything - be it greeting cards, 
anything connected with Infocom, or anything else you think might please 
me (signed books or such *g*), don't hesitate to do so. In return, you 
will (depending, of course, on the - idealistic or material - value of 
your donation) receive a printed and bound version of this document, 
together with a disk with an incredibly beautiful and well-designed label.

If you want to contact me, try one of the following:

   Mathias Maul                 InterNet: mathias_maul@(redacted)
   (redacted)                             matt@(redacted)
   (redacted)                    MausNet: Mathias Maul @ WI2
   tel (redacted)

If email doesn't work, first look out for the latest version of this 
document and compare the addresses, they might have changed. If all else 
fails, use SnailMail (or, if you can afford it, just phone me).

So there. The Index will start right after the next full stop.

01-354 9112                                       I:16/111.
1 hour                                            I:35/241.
10                                                II:14/126.
100%                                              II:30/230.
1066                                              I:27/201.
11 o'clock                                        II:3/19.
11.30                                             II:3/28.
11.35                                             II:4/30.
11.45                                             I:14/87.
117 dead                                          II:2/11.
12 noon                                           II:4/30.
12th century                                      I:25/185.
130                                               II:2/11.
13/14 years                                       II:6/49.
13-amp plug                                       I:14/101.
13-tooth gristle saw and tig-welded rivets,
     knife with built-in                          II:10/76.
15%                                               II:10/85.
1.5, beta-test version                            I:8/56.
150 pounds                                        I:16/119.
1500 pounds                                       I:16/119.
15.37 flight to Oslo                              II:6/55.
1676                                              I:29/214.
16K                                               I:4/18.
17                                                I:14/100.
17 miles                                          II:12/118.
17, normal primes of                              I:2/5.
17, number                                        I:14/100.
17 seconds                                        I:8/53.
17 years                                          I:4/16.
17 years, 3 months, 2 days, 5 hours, 19 minutes,
     20 seconds                                   I:10/70.
1.8 seconds                                       II:5/38.
19                                                I:16/117.
19, normal primes of                              I:2/5.
1934                                              I:8/53.
1970s, late                                       II:17/148.
1977                                              I:4/19.
1983                                              I:4/16.
1986                                              II:7/60.
20%                                               II:5/40.
20 minutes                                        I:22/170.
20 pence                                          II:4/32.
20 pounds                                         II:10/77.
2.00, version                                     I:7/49;8/56.
200 (years old)                                   I:4/28;27/199.
23, normal primes of                              I:2/5.
24 hours                                          I:2/4.
24-hour filling station                           II:25/193.
25 pounds                                         II:14/133.
250000 pounds                                     II:3/27.
26.432, cosine of                                 I:24/183.
27                                                II:14/126.
3                                                 I:2/6.
3 days                                            II:4/33.
3 min 25 seconds                                  I:21/164.
30 seconds                                        I:21/167.
300 pounds                                        II:4/30;5/37.
327.50 pounds                                     I:16/119.
33a, number                                       I:16/111.
3.4874145                                         II:10/77.
35%                                               I:2/5.
37                                                II:7/64.
37, number                                        I:16/112.
3x4x5                                             I:19/145.
4 billion                                         I:31/223;33/230;34/238.
4 days                                            II:4/33.
4 o'clock                                         I:15/105.
43                                                I:2/6.
45, number                                        I:16/112.
47 dead, 89 injured                               II:2/11.
5                                                 II:10/85.
5 hours                                           II:3/28.
5 years                                           II:11/102.
500000                                            II:6/45.
517 subclauses                                    II:30/230.
539.7, square root of                             I:24/183.
541 something                                     II:11/101.
598703                                            I:2/6.
6 years                                           I:4/26.
63 dead, 130 injured                              II:2/11.
6.30                                              II:4/30.
67%                                               II:4/31.
7 (memory registers)                              II:1/5.
7 years                                           I:4/26.
73 bus                                            II:6/56.
8.30                                              I:16/116.
8.46                                              I:21/167.
8.47                                              I:7/48;21/163.
89                                                II:2/11.
89%                                               II:4/31.
9 o'clock                                         II:3/20.

'A Suffusion of Yellow'                           II:10/77.
abacus                                            I:8/52;25/189;27/200.
abacus, electric                                  I:4/19.
abuse                                             II:31/237.
accident, undoing                                 I:34/238.
'Act of God'                                      II:2/16;6/55;17/150.
Acton                                             II:15/136.
adrenaline, hanging around your body turning sour I:12/80.
advertisement, Dirk's in the Yellow Pages         I:16/111.
Aegean                                            I:4/25.
aerosol                                           II:11/113.
Air Force                                         I:8/56.
airlocks                                          I:8/51.
airport                                           II:1/1x;14/127.
Albanian electricity                              II:11/105;18/154.
albatross                                         I:35/242.
algae, recycled                                   I:14/93.
alien invasions                                   II:17/149.
almonds, oil of                                   II:20/162;25/198.
Aloe Lip Preserver                                II:20/163.
Alph                                              I:6/36.
alphabet                                          II:23/180.
alternator, rumpus in                             II:15/135.
Amadeus, Wolfgang                                 II:11/107.
America, cost of                                  II:30/231.
American Express                                  II:3/21;17/150;21/165.
American Hot                                      II:8/66.
America's Cup 1983                                I:4/16.
amoebic dysentery                                 I:14/92.
Anatidae, small aquatic bird of the family        I:30/216.
anchovy                                           I:16/120.
anemones, bunch of                                I:20/155.
Anglepoise lamp                                   I:21/166.
Angst                                             I:4/15.
Anselm, Kate                                      I:7/46;16/110x.
Anstey, Geoffrey                                  II:4/31;6/46;21/172;
answering machine, industrial-grade               I:4/22.
answering machine, Kate's                         II:8/66;21/172;27/214.
answering machine, Richard's                      I:21/166.
answering machine, Susan's                        I:3/8;14/91;30/218;
'Anthem'                                          I:4/23x;7/48.
antique shops                                     I:16/111.
antique (various)                                 II:25/193.
antiseptic, bottle of                             II:20/162.
apathy, rampant                                   II:13/123.
Apple Macintosh                                   I:4/23.
apricot, oil of the kernel of                     II:20/162;25/198.
archaeologist, aged                               I:4/27.
Aries Rising Record Group                         II:14/131;23/181.
Arkansas                                          II:19/159.
Arlott, Wesley                                    II:19/159.
'Armed Response'                                  I:7/49.
armpit, vacuum cleaner's                          II:8/65.
ARRGH!                                            II:6/46;14/131;23/181.
artificial intelligence                           I:16/110.
'as pretty as an airport'                         II:1/1.
Asgard                                            II:22/177;27/214.
Asgard, Gods of                                   II:7/62;9/74;18/153;
Assisi, St Francis of                             II:13/122.
asteroid                                          I:35/242.
Atlantic ocean                                    II:9/72.
atmosphere, a nasty                               I:34/236.
Aunt, Marquess of Queensbury's                    I:7/47.
aunt, old maiden                                  I:20/155.
aurora borealis                                   II:1/2.
automatic writing                                 I:6/41.
'Autopilot'                                       II:6/49.
axe, heavy short-handled                          II:28/218.
A-Z street map of London                          I:13/85.

Bach, Johannes Sebastian                          I:36/245.
Bahamas, expensive expenses in                    I:16/118.
Bailey, Sister                                    II:7/61;32/239;34/244.
Baker, Ginger                                     I:21/160.
baklavas                                          I:18/137.
ball, flying                                      I:19/145.
banana, bowl with single                          II:2/14,16.
bank manager                                      I:23/171.
Barcelona chairs                                  II:11/92.
basement                                          II:5/35.
BASIC                                             I:4/20.
bass rendition                                    II:22/176,178.
Bates                                             II:4/31.
bath, Edwardian type                              II:8/67x.
bathroom, Reg's                                   I:8/61x.
'bathroom', the word                              I:17/129.
baths, things for putting in                      II:8/67x;20/163.
battleaxe, exquisitely crafted beautifully
     balanced                                     I:14/98.
BBC                                               I:4/18;11/102. II:11/102.
beak, the eagle's                                 II:21/164.
Beatles of the early eighties                     I:4/20.
Beatles songs                                     I:8/61.
bedside lamp, small                               I:6/38.
'beep'                                            I:7/48;9/68;12/76;14/88.
Beeswax, Honeyed                                  II:20/163.
Beethoven                                         II:11/106.
beetle, peculiar form of flying                   I:17/128.
behaviour, of eagle                               II:21/171.
belief systems                                    I:17/127.
Bell, Howard                                      II:10/89;14/126,129x;
Bennett, Mrs                                      I:15/103.
Benson, Mrs                                       II:11/91.
bentwood chair                                    II:5/38.
Bermuda                                           I:20/154;34/236.
Bermuda triangle industry                         II:27/213.
Bernice                                           I:16/123.
'besieging'                                       II:10/80.
beta testing                                      I:7/49.
Beverly Hills                                     I:7/49.
'Beware! Beware! His flashing eyes, his
     floating hair!'                              I:14/87.
Big Bob the Finder                                II:5/35.
bills                                             I:16/115. II:3/27;
bills, layout of                                  II:27/211.
bing, boxes that go                               I:7/46.
binoculars, pair of                               I:13/84.
bird, homicidal                                   II:25/195.
bird, large cross                                 I:29/213.
Birdwing Butterfly, Queen Alexandra               I:4/11.
Birmingham                                        I:4/26.
Bishop's Stortford                                I:26/195.
bitter orange blossom, infusion of                II:20/162;25/198.
Black Maria                                       I:6/43;16/115.
blame                                             II:5/41,42.
Blenheim Palace                                   I:29/212.
blitz                                             II:25/193.
Bloddy Tears, Streams Of                          II:10/81.
'Blood on the Tracks'                             II:5/36.
Bloody Mary                                       II:14/127.
Blue Saver Day                                    II:27/211.
Bluthall, Mrs                                     I:16/116.
BMW                                               II:12/116;19/158;31/235;
BOAC posters                                      I:16/112.
boar, roasting                                    II:28/216.
Bob                                               I:10/71.
'Bob's here'                                      II:6/57.
bodily harm, grievous                             II:10/85.
body, Gordon's                                    I:9/64;15/107.
Bogart voice, Fred's best                         I:10/71.
'Bolero'                                          I:7/46.
bookshop                                          I:16/111.
boot, figure jumping out of                       I:7/50.
Borley Rectory                                    I:8/56.
box, large white metal                            II:33/242.
box, old pizza                                    II:3/22.
boy, small                                        I:18/137. II:6/49;35/245.
bra advertisement                                 II:6/48.
bracelet, red                                     II:5/43.
Brandenburg Concertos                             I:36/246.
breakfast                                         I:16/108.
brick wall, lethal overdose of                    II:23/181.
brick, Wordsworth sick on                         I:4/14.
brickwork, nice                                   I:4/11.
brilliantine                                      II:10/78.
Bristol Channel                                   I:35/240.
British Guiana                                    I:29/212.
British Nuclear Fuels                             II:2/10.
British Rail                                      II:25/194.
British Telecom                                   I:34/238. II:5/36;11/100.
broom cupboard, holy                              I:17/128.
'brrrrrr' noises                                  I:4/10.
brusqueness and impatience, large quantities of   II:11/104.
bug-eyedness                                      II:14/127.
Bugs Bunny                                        II:6/48.
Bulgaria                                          II:11/105.
buns, crummy                                      II:17/151.
burr burr                                         I:33/233.
business cards                                    II:19/159x.
button, blue marked red                           II:10/80.
Buxtehude                                         I:4/18;4/28.
'BYTE' magazines                                  I:12/81.

cabin trunks                                      II:2/11.
cabinet minister, junior                          II:2/10.
cacophony, majestic                               II:17/149.
Cagney, Jimmy                                     I:10/71.
calamity, impending                               II:21/170.
calculator, I Ching                               II:10/76,77x.
calvaria tree                                     I:29/210.
Cam, the River                                    I:4/12;27/202.
Cambridge                                         I:4/9;24/183.
Cambridge one-way system                          I:12/76.
Cambridge, starving at                            I:4/20.
Cambridgeshire Constabulary                       I:16/115;21/161.
Cambridgeshire land, four acres of dank           I:15/102.
Camden Passage                                    I:16/112;18/136.
canal                                             I:22/169.
capital letters                                   I:5/32.
car, running into                                 II:12/118;19/158.
carnage, good solid                               II:7/59.
carpet, beige                                     II:11/96.
carrier, perfect                                  I:29/215.
carrots                                           I:4/21,24.
cars, German                                      II:6/48.
cat, Kate's                                       II:1/2;16/146.
catflap                                           I:25/186;29/211.
cause and effect                                  I:32/228.
Cawley                                            I:4/14;27/202.
CBE                                               I:7/49.
ceiling                                           I:23/173.
cellist, professional                             I:8/54.
Cellnet                                           I:21/167.
cello                                             I:24/175;30/218;36/245.
central heating, shut down                        I:14/91.
cereal packs                                      I:4/15.
cerebral cortex                                   I:14/90.
Chad                                              I:25/185.
Challenging Hour                                  II:9/74;26/209;28/220.
Chapel Market                                     II:25/193.
Charlton Place                                    I:18/136.
Chat program, American                            II:11/101.
check-in desk                                     II:1/4;32/238.
check-in girl                                     II:1/7;4/33;32/238.
cheese, blue                                      I:2/5.
Chelsea                                           I:14/97;21/168.
cheques                                           I:23/171. II:1/6.
cherrywood table, French                          II:16/145.
Chesterfield sofa                                 I:21/167.
Chevrolet, great yellow                           II:1/5.
chicken sheds                                     I:4/21.
chickens                                          II:11/109;14/129;35/246x.
Chief Consultant Psychologist                     II:11/91.
child, seven-year old                             I:24/181;27/200.
china kitten                                      II:11/92;22/177;32/239.
China Tea                                         I:19/141.
Chou, Duke of                                     II:10/77.
chow mein                                         I:22/169.
Chronology, Regius Professorship of               I:4/12.
Chronotis, Professor Urban                        I:4/11;25/186,190;29/211.
chun                                              II:10/80.
CID                                               I:18/138.
cigarettes, search for                            II:25/192.
circuits, illogic                                 I:2/5.
circular markings, strange                        II:16/143;23/185.
Citroen 2CV, yellow battered                      II:11/90x;12/115;14/133.
Cjelli, Dirk                                      I:4/29;6/37x;14/90;
                                                  16/115. II:3/20.
Cjelli, Svlad                                     I:4/29;6/37x;14/90;
                                                  16/115;21/160. II:3/20.
clairvoyance                                      I:16/124.
Cleopatra                                         I:27/199.
'click'                                           I:12/76;14/88.
client                                            II:3/27,28;4/37.
Clouds, God of High Towering                      II:16/142.
clunk, good healthy                               I:7/48.
Coca-Cola vending machine                         II:2/17;9/71;10/88;
cod liver oil                                     II:20/163.
coelacanth                                        I:32/228;34/239.
coffee, taking of                                 II:10/79,83.
coin, milled-edge                                 I:25/186.
coincidences                                      I:16/125;18/133.
Coleridge Dinner                                  I:4/14.
Coleridge, Samuel Taylor                          I:4/14;6/36;19/147;
Coleridge's poems, anthology of                   I:16/112;19/147.
Collier Campbell covering                         II:16/145.
Collins Music Hall                                I:16/112.
Comdex                                            I:12/78.
comedian, alternative                             I:16/123.
comfrey                                           II:20/162.
commercial                                        II:30/231.
computer, the time machine's                      I:27/200.
conjuring trick, explanation of                   I:25/192.
Connors, Jimmy                                    II:24/189.
constabulary                                      I:5/44.
continuum, the                                    I:32/228.
contract                                          II:4/33;5/42;6/46;19/158;
Cork Street art dealers                           I:19/144.
coroner                                           II:5/44.
Cotswolds                                         II:7/58;11/90;25/199.
cottage, Gordon's                                 I:15/102x;21/163.
cowshed                                           I:35/243.
cream paint                                       II:9/69.
cream-painted pipes                               II:8/67.
creature, big stupid voilent                      II:33/241.
creature, goblin-like                             II:12/117.
creature, seven foot tall shaggy-haired with
     huge green eyes and horns                    II:4/33.
creatures, purple multi-limbed                    I:5/31.
credit cards                                      II:17/150.
Crippen, Dr                                       I:18/133.
Crops, God of Growing                             II:16/142.
crystals, green                                   II:8/67.
cucumber                                          I:20/151.
Cucumber Cleansing Milk                           II:20/163.
Currents, God of Flowing                          II:16/142.
cyclists                                          II:10/89.
Cynthia                                           II:19/160.

daffodils                                         I:19/146.
Daily Telegraph                                   I:19/141.
Danton                                            II:14/131.
Darjeeling                                        I:8/57.
Day of Judgement                                  II:17/149.
'dead as a dodo'                                  I:36/247.
Dead March                                        I:4/24.
dead pig wrestling technique                      II:28/219.
deep-searched                                     I:21/159.
definitions                                       II:11/103.
Dental Technicians                                I:16/110.
deodorant commercial                              I:22/169.
Department of Environment                         I:7/49.
departure lounges                                 II:17/151.
desk accessories                                  I:27/201.
desk, severely designed black-ash                 II:11/91.
Detective Agencies                                I:16/110.
devil-figure, green-eyed                          II:19/158.
Dextro-Saline                                     II:2/12.
dictionary                                        I:20/150;24/184.
Directory Enquiries                               I:16/109.
'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency'         I:16/111.
disappearing                                      II:27/213.
diseases, particularly gifted                     II:11/94.
dishwashers                                       I:2/3.
'Disque Bleu'                                     I:16/118.
ditch, dead in a                                  I:3/8;7/48;21/165.
ditch, muddy                                      I:19/140.
dodo                                              I:29/214;32/228;34/239.
Dog Breeders                                      I:16/110.
dogs, stone figures of winged                     II:25/199.
dolmades                                          I:18/135.
'Dominique, French lessons, 3me Floor'            I:16/112.
'Don't bother'                                    I:4/20.
'Don't pick it up, pick it up, pick i-'           II:5/36;21/172.
Door, The                                         I:5/32,34x.
door, white                                       I:5/34;8/51;29/210;
Dordogne                                          II:13/121.
Doris                                             II:11/107.
double bass                                       II:14/128.
doubt                                             I:5/30.
Dover sole, lightly grilled                       I:19/142.
Dow Jones                                         I:8/56.
dragons, carved                                   II:25/199.
drainpipe, climbing up                            I:13/84.
Draycott                                          II:14/131;28/218.
Draycott, Clive                                   II:19/160;27/213;28/218;
Draycott, Cynthia                                 II:19/160;27/213;28/218;
dream, Michael's                                  I:19/140.
drickle, dreary kind of                           I:34/235.
drift, ability to simply                          I:11/73.
driver                                            II:13/120x.
drizzle, indeterminate light from north-east      I:1/1;25/185.
drug abuse                                        II:11/110.
Druidic commune                                   I:26/197.
drum machine, old                                 I:12/81.
Dry Cleaners                                      I:16/110.
Dubcek, Danton, Heidegger, Draycott               II:14/131.
Dubcek, Stan                                      II:14/131;23/182.
dugong, startled                                  II:5/37.
Duke of Chou                                      II:10/77.
Duralex beaker                                    I:8/61.
Duran Duran poster                                I:16/114.
dust, rubbing on face                             I:5/35.
dustbins, green rubber                            I:13/84.
Duty Free shops                                   II:1/6.
Dylan albums                                      II:5/36.
Dylan, Bob                                        II:5/36.
dysentery, bout of amoebic                        I:14/92.

E flat, annoying                                  I:30/218;32/227.
eagle                                             II:2/18;6/56;10/89;
eagle, dealing with                               II:21/164x.
eagles, in Valhalla                               II:28/216.
Ealing                                            II:15/136.
Earl Grey                                         I:8/57.
earrings                                          I:27/199.
East Anglia                                       I:26/197. II:26/208.
Eastwood, Clint                                   I:4/17.
'eek'                                             II:11/90.
Einstein                                          I:19/146. II:11/107.
elderberry tree                                   II:11/108.
electric monk                                     I:2/3,5;5/30;31/225;
electricity, Albanian                             II:11/105;18/154.
Electricity Board                                 I:16/120.
Elena                                             II:3/23;23/180.
elephant                                          I:20/150.
Eliot, George                                     II:11/106.
elms, dead                                        II:12/115.
Elwes, Mr                                         II:11/101.
Emu                                               I:21/160.
Emulator II+ HD                                   I:12/81;21/160.
encyclopaedia, one volume                         II:22/174.
envelope                                          II:6/47;10/86x;23/180.
error-checking protocol, quick-thinking           I:17/127.
estate agents                                     I:16/111. II:17/152;
Europe                                            II:1/3.
Euston Road                                       II:17/148;25/199.
'Evening Standard'                                II:2/15.
Everything, Grand Unified Field Theory of         II:11/107.
evidence, his share                               II:5/44.
exam questions                                    I:6/39.
Excel spreadsheet                                 I:12/81.
Exmoor                                            I:35/240.
expenses                                          I:16/118.
exploding, gas cooker                             I:15/107.
explosion                                         II:2/11.
ex-secretary, Dirk's                              I:16/114;18/137;20/149;

facts                                             I:31/223.
fainting, of a ghost                              I:15/107.
faith                                             I:2/4.
Falklands                                         I:19/140.
farmer                                            I:12/77.
fassolia plaki                                    I:18/135.
Fate                                              I:18/137.
'Fathom'                                          I:14/93,99;19/144;34/237.
Faust                                             II:21/173.
Fender Precision bass                             II:16/147.
Ferrari                                           II:23/181.
ferry timetables, Greek                           I:4/25.
fig, large glazed                                 I:20/152.
figure, large hairy green-eyed                    II:6/57.
filing cabinets                                   II:11/92.
filling station, 24-hour                          II:25/193.
Finder, Big Bob the                               II:5/35.
Finn                                              II:7/62.
fire                                              I:17/128.
First Court                                       I:4/9;25/186.
fix, dirty                                        II:25/195.
fjords                                            II:1/2.
'fling!'                                          II:26/206.
floor                                             II:2/14.
floor lamp, ugly Edwardian                        I:18/136.
floorboard, bits of                               II:15/140.
flooring, oak                                     II:9/70.
flu, continental low-grade                        II:9/72.
folder, blue                                      I:4/22.
foot, amputation                                  I:25/185.
Ford Sierra                                       II:13/121.
forest                                            I:29/110.
Formica                                           II:14/126.
Fosters                                           I:15/106.
fourier analysis software                         I:21/159.
Fractal Landscapes                                I:14/93;19/144x.
Franco-Prussian war                               I:6/39.
Franklin, Alan                                    II:11/93.
Fred                                              I:10/71.
Frederick the Great                               I:4/13.
French, torrent of                                I:16/114,118.
fridge                                            II:3/21;23/187;35/244.
fridge door                                       I:21/165.
fridge, japanese microprocessor controlled        II:10/81.
fridge, new                                       II:4/33;21/168.
frogs                                             II:23/187.
fruit flan, picture of                            II:6/48.
fruit, fresh                                      II:7/61.
fruitbat, stuffed                                 II:3/19.
fuel pump                                         II:15/135.
'fundamentally fed up with being where it was'    II:2/10.

G minor, most hideous cacaphony in                I:12/82.
'Gaaarghhhh!'                                     I:12/78.
garage                                            II:14/125.
Gas Board                                         II:2/10.
gas cooker                                        I:15/106.
gasometers, five great                            II:27/211.
Gauloises                                         II:3/21.
Gently, Dirk                                      I:14/90;16/111;22/169.
Gently, Svlad                                     II:3/20.
Gentry                                            I:16/109.
George III, King                                  I:4/13;20/153;24/181;
Germans, in yellow polo-shirts                    II:1/5.
'Geronimo'                                        I:17/131.
'Ggggrrrraaaaaaaaah!!!!!!'                        II:29/225.
ghost                                             I:30/216x.
ghost, story of the                               I:31/225.
giant, green-eyed hairy scythe-waving             II:23/180.
giant, green-eyed scythe-bearing                  II:35/245.
giant, strange and violent green-eyed fur-clad    II:5/40.
gift catalogues                                   II:17/151.
Gilks, Sergeant                                   I:18/139;21/161.
Gilks, Sgt                                        II:5/37.
gin and tonic                                     I:19/141.
girl, little                                      I:4/17;20/152.
girls, jumping out of pie chart                   I:4/23.
'glance - pop'                                    II:15/138.
glass, solid cubes of                             I:4/17.
Gluck                                             I:4/18.
glue technology                                   II:10/77.
GMT                                               II:5/40.
gnats                                             II:26/208.
goat, stuff about                                 II:14/126.
goblin                                            II:9/75;12/117.
God                                               II:1/2;16/142.
God, act of                                       II:2/16;6/55;17/150.
god, new                                          II:33/242.
Gods of Asgard                                    II:7/62;9/74;18/153;
'Goetterdaemmerung'                               II:22/178.
goldfish                                          I:4/17.
Grand Unified Field Theory of Everything          II:11/107.
Grand Union Canal                                 I:20/151.
grants                                            I:14/90.
Grass, Blade Of Pushing Up Against Stone          II:10/81.
gravity                                           I:16/120;25/186.
Grecian urn                                       I:19/146.
Greece                                            I:4/25.
Greek islands, guide to                           I:8/57;25/189.
Greek restaurant                                  I:18/135.
'Green Room Gossip'                               I:19/144.
Green-eye                                         II:33/242.
greenness, sudden                                 I:1/2.
Grey, Mrs                                         II:16/146.
grins, repertoire of                              I:18/139.
grocery business, waking up in                    II:27/214.
'gross'                                           II:11/103.
Guatemala                                         II:1/5.
Guiana, British                                   I:29/212.
Guilt God                                         II:35/245.
guilt pressure                                    I:12/80.
guilt, waves of                                   I:18/134.
gunk, in bath                                     II:8/68;20/163.
gunk, steaming                                    II:6/50.

haiku                                             II:11/110.
hair, limited                                     I:8/60.
hair, metallic orange                             II:3/23.
half-nelson, logical                              I:4/18.
hamburger bars                                    II:25/195.
hamburger salesmen                                II:25/194.
hard times                                        II:28/222.
harpsicord, 18th century dual manual              II:3/20.
Hastings, Battle of                               I:27/201.
hat, Dirk's                                       I:6/37.
haze of light                                     II:18/154.
Heathrow Airport                                  II:1/4;6/55;17/151.
heavy breather, minimalist                        I:24/177.
Heidegger                                         II:14/131.
Heisenberg                                        II:11/107.
hell, pit of                                      II:6/52.
hellhole, festering                               I:20/150.
helmet, great horned                              II:20/161.
help, non-existance offers of                     II:6/53.
Henry, Uncle                                      II:11/107.
herb omelette                                     II:10/78.
Hercules                                          II:3/20.
'herring'                                         I:20/150;24/184.
herring, pickled                                  I:24/184.
hexagrams                                         II:10/77.
hi-fi                                             II:5/38.
High Table                                        I:4/10.
Highbury Fields                                   I:20/156.
Hillow                                            II:18/154.
Himalayas, erosion patterns of                    I:7/49.
him-thing                                         I:9/65.
hitch, trying to                                  I:11/75.
Hoffman, Dustin                                   II:11/102.
'holistic'                                        I:16/115x,220.
Holmes, Sherlock, rejection of                    II:14/132.
Holy Family                                       II:10/81.
Hoovered                                          II:7/61.
Horne, Marilyn                                    I:19/144.
horoscope, Dirk's                                 II:4/32.
horoscope, Gordon's                               I:7/45.
horse, in the bathroom                            I:8/60,62;10/72;18/139;
horse, surprised                                  I:5/34.
horse, the Monk's                                 I:2/3;8/60;10/72;17/130.
horse-riding ability, practical                   I:2/4.
horses                                            I:2/4x.
hosepipe, green                                   II:6/48.
'Hot Potato'                                      II:6/45;21/172;23/182x.
house, Michael's                                  I:19/142.
housebreaking, rules of                           I:14/89.
housewife, middle-aged                            II:11/106.
Hughes, Howard                                    I:14/88.
human race, saving of                             I:35/242.
hunting scene, primitive                          I:5/31.
Hutch, Dennis                                     II:14/130;23/181.
hypnotism                                         I:18/133;20/149,153.

'I believe you'                                   I:24/178.
I Ching calculator                                II:10/77x.
'I couldn't possibly that would be most kind'     I:16/117.
iguana                                            II:9/74.
illogic circuits                                  I:2/4.
immortals                                         II:22/175.
'impossible'                                      I:20/150.
Indian Ocean                                      I:29/212.
Indians, Red                                      II:30/231.
Inland Revenue                                    I:23/171.
instruction manuals                               I:2/5.
interconnectedness of all things, fundamental     I:16/115x. II:4/30;
IOU                                               II:4/32.
IRA                                               II:2/10.
Islington                                         I:16/111;20/152.
Islington cafe                                    II:10/78.
Islington Green                                   I:16/112;18/135.
isolation tank                                    I:16/110.
'It won't be long'                                I:8/61.
Italian suit, quiet                               II:19/159;27/213;28/218.

Jaguar, elderly                                   II:4/29;12/118.
Jaguar, recovering                                II:15/136.
Jaguars, large                                    I:16/112.
Japan                                             II:10/77.
Japanese fish, pictures of                        I:18/136.
Japanese print                                    II:21/168.
Jean-Philippe                                     II:1/4.
jet fighter                                       II:32/238;34/243.
jet, Phantom fighter                              II:9/71;32/238;34/244.
jogger                                            I:20/151.
Jojoba Oil Cleanser                               II:20/163.
jokes                                             II:11/108.
Judgement, Day of                                 II:17/149.
Julia                                             I:26/195.
jump, from window                                 II:23/183.

Kawasaki                                          II:17/149.
kazoo                                             II:11/91.
Keats                                             I:19/146.
kebab                                             II:13/120.
keel, controversial                               I:4/16.
Kent, ecclesiastical architecture of              I:14/94.
King Wen                                          II:10/77.
King's Cross station                              II:25/193.
kitten, china                                     II:11/92;22/177;32/239.
kittens, small                                    II:21/167.
Kleenex                                           I:16/113. II:14/133.
Klein, Calvin                                     II:20/163.
knife with built-in 13-tooth gristle saw and
     tig-welded rivets                            II:10/76.
Knowledge database                                I:12/82.
Korg DW8000                                       I:12/81.
'Kubla Khan'                                      I:6/36;21/168.
'Kubla Khan,' second part of                      I:6/44.

lady, elderly                                     I:20/151,152,155.
lager commercial fees, vast                       I:16/123.
Lamarck                                           I:16/121.
lamp, Michael's                                   I:14/101.
Lapsang Souchong                                  I:8/57.
last call, Gordon's                               I:32/229.
last message, Gordon's                            I:7/48;14/88;21/163.
'late night'                                      II:25/192.
late night corner shop                            II:25/192.
laudanum                                          I:19/147;31/223.
lavatories                                        II:3/26.
lawyer                                            II:13/119;19/158.
leakage, radioactive                              II:2/10.
Lear, Act 2, Scene 4                              II:11/93.
leeches                                           I:4/15.
lemon, hot                                        I:29/214.
L'Esprit d'Escalier                               I:16/108;36/245.
'Let it be'                                       I:8/61.
life insurance, advertisement for                 II:6/48.
life, music of                                    I:33/233.
lifebelts                                         I:20/152.
light, haze of                                    II:18/154.
light, pale new                                   I:1/2.
light, single dim red                             I:1/1;34/235.
lightning                                         II:18/153.
Lightning, God of                                 II:16/142.
'limbo'                                           II:11/103.
linen                                             II:7/62;18/155;30/231;
lipgloss, corporate                               II:6/54.
liver and bacon                                   II:4/31.
lobotomy, pre-frontal                             I:4/20.
London                                            I:10/69. II:1/3.
London, A-Z street map of                         I:13/85.
London, B route to                                II:12/117.
London N1                                         I:16/111.
lorries, with 'Albania' stencilled on their sides II:11/105.
Los Angeles                                       II:1/3.
lost, Dirk's reason for getting                   II:13/121.
lottery                                           II:32/239.
Lotus                                             I:7/46.
Louis XIV                                         II:3/20.
LSD doughnuts                                     I:26/197.
Lucifer                                           II:6/51.
luggage                                           II:1/1;2/11.
Luke                                              II:1/3.
lunatics, passing                                 II:14/131.
Lupton Road                                       II:4/31;5/34x;21/173.

M4                                                II:1/2.
Mabel                                             II:11/107.
MacDuff, Richard                                  I:4/11;6/36;8/51;10/69;
Macintosh, Apple                                  I:4/23.
Macintosh II                                      I:8/56;12/81.
Madagascar                                        I:29/212.
'Made in Birmingham'                              I:4/26.
Magic Circle                                      I:25/191.
Magna House                                       I:14/98.
Magna, Lady                                       I:14/99.
Magna, Lord                                       I:14/91,97x.
magnifying glass                                  II:6/47;10/76.
magnifying glass, 25-diopter high-index
     vacuum-deposited gold-coated                 II:10/76.
magnifying glasses, shops that sell               II:10/76.
Malibu                                            I:6/42.
man, big Nordic                                   II:2/16.
Mander, Steve                                     I:6/39.
manifolds                                         II:15/135.
mantis, non-preying                               I:21/162.
Marbella                                          II:5/44.
Margaux                                           I:8/53;31/222.
Marines                                           I:19/140.
markings, strange circular                        II:16/143;23/185.
Marks and Spencer charge card                     II:5/35.
'marmalade'                                       I:20/150.
Marquess of Queensbury                            I:7/47.
Mars Bars, large half-full catering-size box of   II:6/50.
Mason, Detective Inspector                        I:18/138.
maths professor                                   I:4/18.
Mauritius                                         I:29/212.
May, Elspeth                                      II:11/105.
Mayhew, Miss                                      II:11/94.
McKellar, Kenneth                                 I:10/71.
memory, of college porters                        I:10/70.
Mephistopheles                                    II:21/173.
Mercedes, silver-grey 500 SEC                     I:7/46;19/126.
Mercer, Roderick                                  II:23/182.
'metal fatigue'                                   II:2/10.
metronome                                         I:18/134.
Michealmas                                        II:3/21.
Michelangelo                                      II:3/20;10/81.
Microsoft                                         I:7/46.
Mid-Glamorgan                                     II:22/175;32/240.
MIDI                                              I:8/56.
Midland Grand Hotel                               II:27/214;31/235.
Mills, Sally                                      II:10/84,88;14/125;
mind, Dirk's                                      I:21/165.
mirror, rear-view                                 II:13/119.
Mjollnir, God of the Hammer                       II:16/142.
Moebius strip                                     II:24/190.
molecule                                          II:22/178.
molecule, behind                                  II:6/57.
Monk, Electric                                    I:2/3x,5x;31/225.
Monk Plus models                                  I:2/5.
Monk shop                                         I:2/5.
monoliths, concrete                               II:25/193.
monster, large hairy green-eyed                   II:5/42.
motherboard, whole new                            I:2/5.
motorcycle courier, early morning                 II:31/236;35/245.
Mount Abora                                       I:6/41.
move, Dirk's next                                 II:21/164.
movement, tiny sharp turning                      II:24/190;27/215.
Mozart                                            I:14/96;24/176.
muffin, old                                       II:21/165.
multi-tasking Negative Capability                 I:2/5.
Mulville, Phil                                    II:6/46;21/172.
murder, before lunch                              II:4/31.
murderers, statistics on                          II:4/31.
Murmansk airport                                  II:1/1.
music                                             II:5/35.
'Music and Fractal Landscapes'                    I:19/144x.
music, in the spaceship                           I:33/231.
music, listening to                               I:19/142.

napkins, red paper                                II:1/3.
navigation technique, Dirk's                      II:4/29x;13/121.
Nazi war criminal                                 II:7/62.
Negative Capability feature, multi-tasking        I:2/5.
Neighborhood Watch                                I:14/89.
Neil                                              II:10/78;15/139x.
neroli oil                                        II:20/163.
new god                                           II:33/241.
New York                                          II:1/3;17/149.
New York, crazies of                              II:17/149.
Newton, Sir Isaac                                 I:19/146;25/186.
newts                                             I:24/175.
NHS ward, short-staffed                           II:10/88.
Nicola                                            I:14/96;30/217.
Ninja warrior, fit                                I:8/51.
nipple-pearcing                                   I:4/14.
Noel Road                                         I:30/219.
non-delivering pizza restaurants                  II:8/66.
non-fridge-opening                                II:3/24.
'non-linear catastrophic structural exasperation' II:2/10.
non-pizza-delivering world                        II:2/13.
North London                                      II:3/19;21/166;34/244.
North Sea                                         II:2/13;3/26;26/204;
Northumbrian saints                               I:25/185.
Norway                                            II:1/2;17/150;26/204.
nose, broken                                      II:10/77,78,82,83x.
nose, damaged                                     II:6/53.
November                                          I:4/9.
Nuclear Fuels, British                            II:2/10.
nunnery                                           I:4/14.

oaks, leafless                                    II:12/115.
obituary, Gordon's                                I:11/74.
Observation Training                              I:21/163.
'Obsession'                                       II:20/163.
Occam's razor                                     II:11/97.
Octapad                                           I:12/81.
'odd', meaning of                                 I:7/47.
Odeon                                             I:4/9.
Odin                                              II:7/59;9/74;11/113;
Odwin, Mr                                         II:7/58;11/113;14/127;
'off'                                             II:6/53.
office, Dirk's                                    I:16/114.
'Oh ah'                                           II:23/186;25/196;28/219.
'Oh, you take the high road and I'll take the
     low road ...'                                I:10/71.
olive complexion                                  II:7/63.
omelette                                          II:4/31;10/78.
'on'                                              II:6/53.
onx                                               II:26/208.
'Opera'                                           I:19/141.
orangeness, lingering                             I:1/2.
Oscar                                             II:11/103.
Oslo                                              II:1/4;6/55;13/122;
Oslo, 15.37 flight to                             II:6/55.
'ouch'                                            I:14/94.
owls, halting in mid-flight                       I:14/91.
Oxford Street                                     II:6/46.
Oxfordshire                                       II:3/25.

Pacific Ocean                                     I:29/212.
Paignton, Colin                                   II:6/46;21/172.
Pain                                              II:6/46.
Pakistani, gentle-faced                           II:15/137.
paper clips, chain of                             I:4/15.
paradoxes                                         I:32/228.
park, corner of                                   II:8/66.
Parliament                                        II:2/11.
Particles, God of                                 II:16/142.
Patmos                                            I:4/25.
Paxton, Nobby                                     II:10/81;21/168.
Pearce, Janice                                    I:16/114;20/149;23/171.
Pearce, Jim                                       II:4/33.
pebbles, Welsh                                    II:22/178.
Peckender Street                                  I:16/111,112x;32/226.
penguins                                          II:2/11;12/118.
penguins, cabin trunks full of                    II:2/11.
penknives, shops that sell                        II:10/76.
Pentagon                                          I:8/55.
Pentagon, incompetence and corruption in          II:17/149.
Pentonville Road                                  II:17/151;25/193.
pepperoni                                         I:16/220.
Performer                                         I:12/82.
person, non-large, non-blond                      II:11/99.
Personal Computer World                           I:16/118.
'Personal Computer World'                         I:16/118.
Peter Pan collar                                  I:20/153.
Peugeot                                           II:13/121.
PG Tips                                           I:8/57.
Phantom fighter jet                               II:9/71.
Philips screwdriver, toothpick and ball-point
     pen, knife with built-in                     II:10/76.
phone, push-button                                I:23/171;32/226,229.
physics, profound                                 II:11/107.
piccolo                                           II:14/128.
pick-up line, most wonderfully perfunctory        II:14/133.
pickup truck                                      II:15/136.
pie chart                                         I:4/23.
piffle                                            II:13/122.
pigs, roasting                                    II:28/216.
pink, shade of pale                               I:2/4.
pinkness, horrible                                I:1/2.
pipes, cream-painted pipes                        II:8/67.
pizza                                             I:2/4;35/242. II:1/3x;
pizza boxes, old pile of                          II:21/168.
Pizza Express                                     I:14/90,97.
pizza, Richard's                                  I:16/120.
Planck                                            I:16/117. II:11/107.
plaque, big brass                                 I:16/112,114;23/171.
plastic, naff brown                               II:17/151.
Pleiades                                          I:28/206.
PLO                                               II:2/10.
pocket fluff                                      I:16/115.
pocket television set                             II:6/57.
'points'                                          II:11/103.
police                                            I:22/170. II:3/27.
police car                                        I:18/135,138;24/180.
police interviews                                 I:7/47;12/79.
policeness of things                              II:5/43.
polo-shirts, inexplicable yellow                  II:1/5.
'pop', light bulbs going                          II:15/137.
Pope, the                                         II:14/131.
porc au poivre                                    I:4/23.
Porlock                                           I:35/241.
Porsche                                           I:8/55.
Porsche design sunglasses                         II:6/51.
porter                                            I:10/70;25/185.
possession                                        I:28/207.
post-wedding reception party                      I:26/195.
pot, Greek                                        I:4/26x.
Pot Noodles, large half-full catering-size box of II:6/50.
potato                                            II:5/42.
potato, hot                                       II:23/182;30/234.
prawn biryani                                     II:4/31.
'Pray God I am not so soon!'                      II:4/29.
Premium Fonds                                     II:3/27.
President of the United States                    II:11/103.
prices, stock-market                              II:11/97.
Primrose Hill                                     I:18/136. II:8/66;15/136;
Princes, Feudal                                   II:10/81.
print, Japanese                                   II:21/168.
private detectives, looks of                      I:16/109. II:10/87.
'profits'                                         II:11/103.
programming, essence of                           I:4/20.
Prolog                                            I:7/47.
promontory, rocky                                 I:2/3.
property developers                               I:16/112.
Prophet VS                                        I:12/81.
'psychosassic'                                    I:6/38.
pub, English                                      II:14/125x.
publishing magic                                  II:14/130.
Pugilism and the Third Autistic Cuckoo            II:6/46.
pupils, slow and dim-witted                       I:4/19.

quantum mechanical view                           I:16/117.
Quark II                                          I:12/80.
Queensbury, Marquess of                           I:7/47.
questions, Parliamentry                           II:2/11.
quingigillion                                     I:2/3.

rabbit, rampaging                                 II:6/49.
rabbits                                           I:7/49.
Radio Three, Head of                              I:4/17.
Raffaello Sanzio                                  II:3/20.
Rag, Toe                                          II:7/63;9/73;26/209;
rage                                              II:13/119.
rain forest                                       I:29/210.
rain, gentle persistent                           I:29/210.
Rain, God of                                      II:16/142.
rain, heavy slashing                              I:29/210.
rain, mean and wretched                           II:19/157.
Ralph                                             I:26/195.
'Rap tap tap a rap tap a rap a tap'               I:14/97.
Ravel                                             I:7/46.
Rawlinson, Mrs                                    I:16/115.
Reason                                            I:8/55.
record turntable, Japanese                        II:5/44.
'Red', blue button marked                         II:10/80.
Red Indians                                       II:30/231.
Reg                                               I:4/11;25/186,190;29/211.
'Regard this simple salt cellar. Regard this
     simple hat.'                                 I:4/27;8/57.
religions                                         II:1/5.
'Remember Wales'                                  II:9/71.
removal, things at King's Cross                   II:25/194.
Renault, small blue                               II:21/165.
restaurant, Greek                                 I:18/135.
retsina                                           I:18/137.
Reunion                                           I:29/212.
Revelation, Book of                               I:4/26.
reverse gear, long time since in                  II:12/117.
Rhassoul Mud                                      II:20/163.
Rheinfahrt, Siegfried's                           II:22/178.
Rice Krispies                                     II:21/165.
Rich Night Cream                                  II:20/163.
road sweeper                                      I:4/20.
Roberts, Bill                                     I:10/71;25/185.
rock group                                        I:4/20.
Roderick                                          I:16/116;36/247.
Rodin                                             I:23/173.
Rodney                                            I:27/203.
Roland JX10                                       I:12/81.
roll-mop herrings                                 I:24/177.
Ross, Al K.                                       I:14/93,95;19/144;21/168;
Rossettis                                         I:19/144.
Rubik's cube                                      I:8/53.
rugs, expensive Greek                             II:5/36.
rules of housebreaking                            I:14/89.
rum punches                                       I:16/118.
'Run Like the Devil'                              II:10/89.
rushing around                                    II:5/37.

Saab, black                                       I:12/77.
Sabatier knives                                   II:21/168.
sage                                              II:20/162;25/198.
Saint John the Divine                             I:4/26.
salad eaters                                      II:4/31.
Salaxala                                          I:31/225.
salt cellar, heavy silver                         I:4/15,27;20/152;25/192.
Salt Lake City                                    I:2/3.
San Francisco                                     II:1/3.
Sancerre                                          I:19/142.
Sanzio, Raffaello                                 II:3/20.
Sarah                                             I:4/17;20/152.
'Saul'                                            I:4/24.
Sauskind, Mrs Joyce                               I:16/116;36/247.
sawdust, small sad pile of                        I:21/167.
Schechter, David                                  II:14/130.
Schechter, Kate                                   II:1/2;2/11;8/65;11/91;
Schleswig-Holstein                                I:6/39.
Scholarships, for gifted diseases                 II:11/94.
Schroedinger                                      I:16/117,123.
Schroedinger's Cat                                I:16/121;24/183.
Schubert                                          II:11/106.
scientists, white and fishlike                    I:4/13.
Scientologist                                     I:24/180.
Scottish dagger feel                              I:25/188.
scuba-diving equipment                            I:30/217;34/236.
scythe                                            II:4/33;5/40,42;6/57;
seagulls, flock of                                I:4/23.
Seaweed and Birch Shampoo                         II:20/163.
Second Court                                      I:4/9;8/51;25/186.
secret, Reg's                                     I:25/193.
secretary, Dirk's                                 II:3/25.
sedra, crushed leaves of                          II:20/162;25/198.
Sellotape                                         II:6/47;10/77.
Senior Combination Room                           I:4/9.
Senseless Brutality                               I:21/163.
senses                                            II:3/23.
Seoul                                             II:1/5.
severed-head-removal activities                   II:5/41.
sex, quick                                        II:25/195.
'sHades'                                          II:6/51.
Shaping and Binding Forces, God of                II:16/142.
sharp, big and                                    I:14/92.
sheep, roasting                                   II:28/216.
Sherlock Holmes                                   I:20/153;24/181.
Sherlock Holmes principle                         II:14/132.
'shoot off'                                       I:10/71;17/128.
shotgun                                           I:7/49;9/64.
Siegfried                                         II:22/178.
signpost                                          I:12/76.
sillhouetted, dramatically                        II:6/50.
Silver Jubilee, Queen Victoria's                  I:27/199.
Simon                                             I:30/218.
Sixth Avenue                                      II:1/2.
Sixties ideals                                    II:23/181.
skiing hat, red woolen                            I:4/9;27.
skin, the Monks'                                  I:2/5.
sledge-hammer                                     II:2/17;9/70;10/88;
sleep                                             II:7/59.
sleep of the just                                 II:3/20.
slimy things with legs                            I:19/141;21/168;27/203;
smells                                            I:27/199.
Smith                                             II:3/25.
Smith, Janice                                     II:4/33;6/55;10/79;
snooker player, nice juicy                        I:6/43.
sofa, Chesterfield                                I:21/167.
sofa, Kate's                                      II:15/139;16/145.
sofa, Reg's                                       I:8/52.
sofa, revolving                                   I:7/49;12/81;21/159.
sofa, Richard's                                   I:8/52;16/111;18/139;
soft drinks, commercial for                       II:30/231.
Soho basement drinking club                       II:6/52.
solo, smoky saxaphone                             II:11/91.
'Something Nasty in the Woodshead'                II:11/93;12/117.
something or other, profound sense of             II:8/66.
songs, whale's                                    II:17/151.
Sony tape recorder                                I:20/156.
'soulfully'                                       II:10/80.
soundtrack editors                                II:11/91.
soup, spilling of                                 I:4/18.
South Amerika                                     II:1/3.
South Hackney                                     I:20/152.
South Korea                                       II:10/77.
souvlaki                                          I:18/135.
Soviet Union, head of the                         II:11/103.
spaceship                                         I:31/225;33/230x.
spatial geometricians                             I:8/53.
speaker grilles, fine-meshed matte-black          I:7/46.
spoon                                             I:18/138.
spreadsheet                                       I:4/23.
squirrels, elderly                                I:4/9.
St Cedd's college                                 I:4/9;25/185.
St Pancras Station                                II:25/199;31/235.
St Pancras Street                                 II:25/199;31/236.
St Paul's                                         I:12/81. II:24/190.
Standish, Ralph                                   II:11/91.
Star Wars project                                 I:8/55.
starlings, family of                              II:15/135.
statistics                                        II:4/30.
sticker, small neat                               II:2/17.
stifado                                           I:18/135.
stock cube, perfectly normal                      II:6/55.
stock market prices, girl reciting yesterday's    II:11/97.
stones, counting of                               II:22/175;28/221;32/240.
storms                                            I:1/1;34/235.
street lamps                                      II:15/137.
subconscious, Dirk's                              II:17/148.
submarine, solar-powered                          I:11/74.
subtotal, tricky                                  II:30/234.
Suez crisis                                       I:6/37.
suicides, smart-alec show-off                     II:5/39,43.
suit, quiet Italian                               II:19/159;27/213;28/218.
sun                                               II:3/19.
Sunderland, Mrs                                   I:16/114.
sundial                                           II:5/40.
suntan                                            I:25/193;28/206.
superglue                                         II:9/69.
Susan, at the office                              I:7/49;14/91.
Sutherland, John                                  I:19/144.
swallows, facts about                             I:12/82.
swan, small rubber                                I:4/15.
swimming                                          I:20/155.
Synth-Axe MIDI guitar controller, left-handed     I:12/81.
system error, sheer blank                         I:5/34.
S-Z phone book                                    I:16/109.

table, cherrywood farmhouse                       II:5/43.
table, hermaphrodite                              I:2/5;5/31.
table lamp, blue china                            II:22/176;32/239.
tableleg, interrogating                           II:10/87.
talons                                            II:21/169;23/184.
tan 74                                            II:10/77.
Tangiers Club                                     I:3/8.
tape, from answering machine                      I:21/162,165.
tape recorder, Sony                               I:20/156.
taxi                                              I:24/175.
tea, cup of                                       II:23/186.
Telecom Tower                                     II:24/190.
telephone directory, film rights for              I:16/111.
telephone, Reg's                                  I:8/63;10/70;27/201;
telephone system, British                         I:27/201;32/227;34/238.
television                                        II:5/41;6/48.
television advertisements                         II:9/72.
Tenerife                                          II:1/2.
tequila                                           II:23/181.
Terminal Two                                      II:1/4;2/11;6/55;17/151.
'The Gods are walking the Earth!'                 II:17/149.
'The Guardian'                                    I:16/118.
'The New Yorker'                                  I:19/141.
The Reasonable Good Band                          I:4/20.
'The Ride of the Valkyries'                       II:16/147.
'The Rime of the Ancient Mariner'                 I:19/147;31/223.
'The terror of the Earth'                         II:11/93.
things not to think about, list of                II:1/5.
things, slimy with legs                           I:19/141;21/168;27/203;
Thinker, The                                      I:23/173.
'This way for Norway'                             II:1/5.
Thor                                              II:7/60x;16/142x;17/150.
'Three Blind Mice'                                I:4/21;19/146.
thrush, dead                                      I:25/192.
Thunder, God of                                   II:16/142.
'thunderbolt'                                     II:12/118.
Thursday                                          I:3/8;21/162. II:3/25.
Tiddles, Miss                                     I:16/116.
time machine                                      I:25/194;27/200;29/210;
time, seriously passing                           I:1/2;3/7.
time-engineering                                  I:28/206.
Times Literary Supplement                         I:19/141.
'Times Literary Supplement'                       I:19/141.
time-travel applications, user-friendly           I:27/201.
toccata                                           I:4/28.
Toe Rag                                           II:7/63;9/73;26/209;
tomb, brisk as                                    II:3/25.
'too much Mozart'                                 I:4/17.
tooth rot for kids                                II:30/231.
tornado, podgy                                    I:24/180.
towel                                             II:12/118.
towel, large                                      I:20/155.
tower, blackened stump of a                       I:1/1;34/235.
towers, ugly                                      II:24/189.
trade mark, instant                               II:14/130.
traffic jam                                       II:17/148x.
tramp                                             II:23/186;25/196;28/219.
tramps, in station, disappearing                  II:25/198,200.
Transylvania                                      I:6/38.
trigonometry                                      I:18/133.
trust, simple Electric                            I:2/6.
Tsuliwaensis                                      II:26/205;29/228.
Tuckett                                           I:21/164.
Tuesday                                           II:13/122.
Tuesday afternoons                                I:21/163.
tunic, well-pressed loose green                   II:7/60.
turkey and ham sandwich munchers                  II:4/31.
turn, three point                                 II:12/117.
twigs, believing in                               I:17/128.
TX modules                                        I:12/81.

United States, President of the                   II:11/103.
Universe, creation of                             II:1/2.
Universe, the                                     I:32/228.
Upper Street                                      I:14/90;16/111.
Ursa Minor                                        II:1/1.
US Navy                                           I:8/56.
Utah                                              I:2/3.

V sign                                            I:11/75.
vacuum cleaner's armpit                           II:8/65.
Valhalla                                          II:18/153;24/191;27/214;
valley, pink                                      I:2/3;5/31.
vampire bat, psychic mystic telephathic fey
     clairvoyant psychosassic                     I:6/38.
van, grey Mercedes                                II:11/105x;12/115;17/148;
Vaseline                                          I:34/236.
vending machine, Coca-Cola                        II:2/17;9/71;10/88;
'Vengeance'                                       II:20/163.
Victoria, Queen                                   I:27/199.
Victorian Gothic                                  I:15/102.
video recorder                                    I:2/3;27/201.
Vitamin B                                         II:8/67.
Vitamin B12                                       II:8/67.
Vitamin B13                                       II:8/67.
Vitamin E                                         II:20/163.
Vivaldi                                           I:14/96.
Vivaldi wind concertos                            I:19/142.
Viyella, striped                                  II:7/60.
Volvo, small                                      II:21/165.
voodoo lawyer                                     II:30/233.

W. H. Smith                                       II:25/195.
Wagner                                            II:16/146.
waiter, attracting attention of                   II:10/84.
Waitwright's Fruit Emporium                       I:20/151.
Wales                                             II:9/71;22/174x;26/209;
walls, walking through                            I:15/102.
Wapping, slavering hacks of                       II:12/117.
warehouse, derelict                               II:9/69x.
Warp And Woof, Threads Of The                     II:10/81.
wasp                                              II:11/113.
wastepaper bin, telephone in                      I:16/120;21/160.
Watkin                                            I:4/17.
wave patterns                                     I:31/224.
Way, Gordon                                       I:4/24;7/45;12/78;14/99;
Way, Susan                                        I:3/7;8/54;14/92;22/169;
Way, The                                          I:5/32.
WayForward Technologies                           I:4/22;7/46.
WayForward Technologies II                        I:7/46.
weather forecast                                  I:7/45.
Welsh pebbles                                     II:22/178.
Wen, judgement of King                            II:10/81.
Wen, King                                         II:10/77.
Wenton-Weakes, Michael                            I:14/91,97x;19/140;
Wenton-Weakes, Peter                              I:19/140.
West End                                          II:8/66.
Westway flyover                                   II:15/136.
whales' songs                                     II:17/151.
(wham)                                            II:5/41.
whamming                                          II:5/41.
what's-all-thising                                II:3/22.
whatsisname                                       II:5/37.
wheel, own expedition                             II:12/116.
'Whhfff...fffmmm...nnggh!'                        II:6/53.
'whoosh, thud!'                                   II:21/169.
'Why did the chicken cross the road?'             II:11/110.
Wigmore                                           I:14/96.
wildlife, local                                   II:13/124.
Wilton                                            I:19/142.
Wind, God of                                      II:16/142.
window, in relation to                            II:11/99.
window, punching through                          I:14/101.
Windsor Great Park                                I:4/13.
wing mirrors, digital heated servo-assisted
     computer-controlled breath-resistant         I:9/66.
Winnipeg                                          I:20/155.
witnesses, no                                     I:1/2.
witnesses, several hundred                        I:21/167.
Wodin                                             II:7/58;34/244.
     of-a-gun                                     II:10/89.
'Woodshead'                                       II:8/68.
Woodshead Hospital                                II:7/58;11/93x;30/231.
words, torrent of                                 II:5/35.
Wordsworth                                        I:4/14.
workroom, Richard's                               I:12/81.
World Reporter database                           I:12/82.
worlds, all of them                               II:22/177.
worry beads                                       I:30/216.
wreckage                                          I:21/167.
writing desk, Georgian                            I:28/205.
Xanadu                                            I:6/36.

yacht navigation consultant                       II:19/159.
Yale lock                                         I:8/51.
yellow, suffusion of                              II:10/77.
York Way                                          II:25/194.
'You better believe it, buddy'                    I:10/71.
'You-know-who'                                    II:9/71.
Yugoslavia                                        II:11/105.

Zaganza, the Great                                II:4/32;10/84;35/246.
Zbigniew                                          I:16/111.
Zen navigation                                    II:4/29x.

     There you are. Again, comments are welcome. You'll find my addresses 
somewhere in this document.


     This is your usual disclaimer, disclaiming the usual things 
disclaimers usually do. Essentially, nobody save the author of this text 
may alter it in any way and those who do are sure to be tortured in the 
most horrible ways - deprivation of Net access or things like that. 
Anyway, verbatim copies of this document may be distributed via 
noncommercial channels as long as no fee of any kind is charged for it. 
Void where prohibited, batteries not included, fully tax deductible unless 
stated otherwise on the back of this page, your mileage may vary. Watch 
out, guys.


"Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency" and "The Long Dark Tea-Time of 
the Soul" are, as are many other great works of our century, copyrighted 
by Douglas Adams.

"Plundered Hearts" is - at the moment - a trademark held by Mediagenic. 
I'd like to point out again my deep respect to all the great people who 
worked (well, sort of) at Infocom.

There are some other trademarks mentioned in this document, but there you